Too Much Nudity In Horror?

We like hot girls at the Basement of Terror. Hell, it's a deciding factor in many of my movie reviews but having naked girls and sex in a horror film has become cliché.  Actually, it’s been cliché for years now, even decades, but has hid under the guise of being a throwback horror device that we all grew up on and expected.  Since nudity is so readily available on the internet and elsewhere why do we still have so much of it in horror films?  I mean, did we really need to see Danielle Harris naked in the Rob Zombie Halloween remake?

A young Danielle Harris in "Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers"

Who’s Danielle Harris?  She is the little girl from Halloween 4 and 5 who has now grown up to be a pretty hot babe but what was the point in us seeing her naked?  To fulfill some weird, pedophilic urge for Rob “I write better than I direct and I don’t even do that well” Zombie and other creepy weirdos out there? Or is it because John Carpenter’s “Halloween” had some boobs in it so why wouldn’t the remake?  Well, there’s a huge difference between the original Halloween and the remake--John Carpenter’s was made in 1978, a time when I couldn't pull a device out of my pocket and see all the tits I want.

Danielle Harris nude in Rob Zombie's Halloween

Back in the 70s and 80s slasher movies were the only place you could see some boobs other than you friend’s house looking at his dad’s Playboys.  Now, finding a naked girl is as easy as finding a terrible horror movie to watch on Netflix.  Just pull out your phone or open your laptop and type “boobs” in the search bar and VOILA you’ll get to see boobs from every country on the planet.  Neat, eh?  Horror movies were a place a person could go to see and feel emotions they didn't normally feel: being scared and being turned on.  Now we are just there to be scared (and 80% of films can't do that right) because, let's face it, we can easily find a girl on the internet hotter than the poor actress trying to get her SAG card in your movie. 

I do understand that in certain instances nudity is necessary to propel the narrative.  For example, “Hostel” used nudity as a way to show young men how easy it would be to get sucked into a torture ring.  I don’t know many dudes that would abstain from doing whatever those hot babes wanted you to after you've been partying and screwing all day and night.  Sign me up!  Some foreign dude would've paid a lot of money to torture my loud, dumb American ass.  How about the scene in the Friday the 13^th remake where he stabs the girl through the top of the head that’s hiding under the deck?  He then pulls her up out of the water exposing her obviously fake breasts one more time before ripping the machete from her head and letting her body sink (somehow with those balloons on her chest) to the murky floor below.  There was no point to that other than to show her boobs one more time and that’s just pathetic; Basically saying “you’re a dumb dude and you wanna see boobs again, right?”  WRONG!  I would rather see a gory kill than a naked girl!  Hey, that kinda rhymes…I WOULD RATHER SEE A GORY KILL THAN A NAKED GIRL.  Chant with me, “I WOULD RATHER SEE A GORY KILL THAN A NAKED GIRL!”  Okay I’m getting away with myself but c'mon!  Stop wasting valuable minutes of terrifying madness. 

Two smoking babes from the first Hostel

Horror films can still have hot babes that don’t get naked and still be successful and utterly terrifying.  How about “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning?”  That movie had Jordana Brewster and Diora Baird, two of the hottest girls to ever be in a horror movie. Guess what?  They didn't get naked and they didn't have to.  That movie was 91 minutes of pure, unadulterated horror and anyone that thinks otherwise is better off sticking to the plot development of a second rate porno anyways.

Jordana Brewster and Diora Baird looking insanely hot in "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning"

So why is there so much nudity in horror films?  Basically it’s because writers and filmmakers of horror films think we are so dumb that we need it to stay entertained.  It isn’t like these movies make more money or are more successful because they have nudity in them and these scenes really aren’t and can’t be that inventive and 90% of the time do nothing to develop the plot! *takes deep breath* wow, I'm ranting hard! Most horror films are 90 minutes long so lets pack them with as much terror, mayhem and story as possible. I can't believe I'm arguing against seeing a girl naked but oversexualizing the content dumbs down our intellect as a viewer.  When someone is easily able to find naked babes all over the internet and beyond, your horror movie sex scene is more likely to illicit yawns than boners.